Occupation: Warehouse worker.
Physical Description: Tall and lean, with a full beard and long, shaggy red-brown hair.
Attributes and Skills: Grizzled. Quite a dead-eye with a crossbow.
Values and Motivations: Norris is a man of strong principles, who works a difficult job to feed his wife and daughter.
Behavior: Agreeable, but gruff.
Useful Knowledge: He knows a lot of people who work with items. He might know what Cedric has been up to.
Mannerism: Strokes mustache for several seconds before answering questions.
- If you have five dollars and Norris has five dollars, Norris has more money than you.
- There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Norris’s computer. Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
- Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Norris.
- Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Norris has allowed to live.
- Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Norris.
- Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Norris counted to infinity – twice.
- There is no chin behind Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
- When Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Norris does not get frostbite. Norris bites frost
- Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
- Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a tatorship.